he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
