brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
