so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
