my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
