I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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