You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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