Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
