An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
