Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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