I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
