Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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