i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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