i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
