Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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