Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
