I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
