I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
