but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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