thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
