Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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