Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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