There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
