Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
