Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
