He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
