The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
