What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
