Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
