I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
