You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
