Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
