Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
