Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
