We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize