never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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