i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
