a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
