Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
