So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
