dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
