I cockslap morals
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
