not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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