i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
