so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
