I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
