All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
