If i come over, it means nothing
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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