God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
