but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
