So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i think i have herpe
just one?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
