the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize