First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
