is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize