I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
