Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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