I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
