Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
