so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
