Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
is it fun? or sober?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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