so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
