Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just had sex on a roof
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
