So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
