ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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