youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
