Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
