You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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