And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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