How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
