My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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