woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
