that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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